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The rat in the elephant's trunk

So am just here on my bed with nothing to do. Stop your thoughts already, I am aware that it is past 1 am and that my age mates have slept for close to four hours now. I got no problem, I just find comfort in sleeping during the day and yesterday I started my power nap at 5 pm. Enough of me justifying myself to you, or what did you take me to be, a night runner?

Be it as it may, as you all know, I found myself a girlfriend sometime back in September, or so I thought. We haven't broken up yet, so stop with the "nilijua haitakawia" statement ringing on your head. We are also yet to have sex, though she has promised in numerous occasions that it will be soon. At my age, 20 turning 21 in 2 and a half weeks time, my blood is boiling and were it not for the fact that we school kilometres apart trust me, "chuma ingekua ishalala ndani."

This was not supposed to be about my girlfriend, but this is Kenya, do what you can when you have the opportunity. Let's talk about her, and how she makes me feel, or rather how I think she makes me feel. Allow her to be anonymous for today and thank God if you know her already.

She hails from a land that knows only beauty, a land that for a long time, has produced beautiful crushes of mine. You remember Nimmoh? I bet you don't, why should you anyway? Does it bring food to your table, leave alone petroleum jelly thanks to the 8%tax on petroleum products. Nimmoh is some fine girl who broke my heart back in 2016. How do you be good to a 19 year old boy without having plans for settling down with him. Yes! Settle down. What else can an overgrown adolescent think of if not sex masquerading as true love and family?

I will talk about Nimmoh some day when I fully recover, hope it will be soon. Okay, you remember Shiko? That small, light skin girl that is now driving Norman my good friend crazy? Am I allowed to call her my first love? Or maybe my only love. She talks about me in her statuses, saying how much of an assignment reliever I was. She lies, most probably, to boost her ego, but well, let a girl create her own happiness. The thoughts of being in a relationship for 2 years without having plans to marry still blows my mind.

Back to my pretty little fear. Trust me, she is some fine piece of art with life put together, I mean, in this day and age we can all agree it is as difficult as trying to find the main opposition party in Kenya at the moment to find a girl multi talented as her. I am not trying to portray how lucky of a big boy I am. In fact, on the contrary, count me as one of the most unlucky guys you ever met. Remember me posting about having hawk eyes and weak talons? Yes, I also fall in this category, picking out a fine marble in the midst of Coral is an art I have perfected, but keeping it has always been a problem. So boy, I was not talking about you when I said that, why should I stress out with a fellow loser? In fact we should drink our sorrows away soon, hit me up as soon as Ivy confirms my M-PESA balance for being in a team that made Moi Times, our official school magazine,  a success.

Sorry I lost you, I don't know if you are still reading this. Are you also poor when it comes to paying attention? I can't judge, for I am also fighting the art of not paying attention. I excel in it. Miss Poetry with a pretty flow, that's how I call her, pissed me off today when she said she doesn't believe half of what men say. I almost disowned being a man, then remembered I  only have less than 21 days before my 21st birthday and I will be a man soon. What do men do to their girls? My bad, I meant women.

Shee, yes you, could you talk to your friend? Hope you have some driving licence, I want you to drive some sense home. Tell her that men like me are hard to find. Remind her that the birds do not fly everywhere that the wind goes. Or maybe, tell me what your man does to you, and do you believe in half the things he says? Talk to me, help a brother out. 

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